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DOG PEE PAIN NIGHT

I hate it when I'm about to go to bed and there's a puddle in my room that smells distinctly like dog piss. I had to clean up the offensive puddle while wearing old rubber gloves. The insides of the gloves didn't feel particularly clean either. So I took them off to wash my hands, and reflexively brushed my long-overdue-for-haircut hair out of my eyes. The following then occurred:

ARGGH I TOUCHED MY FACE!!!11!!!!1!!
Run to bathroom
NO I CAN'T TOUCH THE LIGHT SWITCH MY HANDS ARE FILTHY
Stumble to the sink
OWWW WTF MY FOOT WHAT THE HELL DID I JUST STEP ON
ARGHHH I CAN'T TOUCH MY FOOT MY HANDS ARE FILTHY
Hastily wash hands while hopping around enduring excruciating pain in left foot
Remove sock
OH GREAT THERE'S A FREAKING SPLINTER IN MY FOOT
Good thing there were tweezers nearby
Remove long, thin splinter from foot, examine to determine identity and origin
Unable to identify splinter
OHHH GREAT MY FOOT IS BLEEDING WHERE I TOOK THE SPLINTER OUT
AND IT STILL HURTS
AND THERE'S STILL PEE IN MY ROOM
T____________T

(After sulking for a while, I summoned the courage to cross the probable forest of splinter awaiting my tender soles and hobbled to bed. Yeah, I forgot about the pee stain.)

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